Amy Alkon says: Your 20s, especially your early 20s, are the time to make a mess of your life — date the wrong guys, take the wrong jobs, and join and quit the Peace Corps: "Turns out I'm more attached to indoor plumbing than I thought!"



Mistakes are cheaper now — provided they don't require bail. And sometimes, going the wrong way is the only way to find the right way. If you don't do dumb things in your 20s, when will you do them? As your kids are going into college? "Bye, kids, I'm off to hitchhike across Africa to find myself." "But, Mom... who's gonna drive me up to move me into my dorm?" "I don't know, dear, but are you using that backpack?"

Amy Alkon says: Your 20s, especially your early 20s, are the time to make a mess of your life — date the wrong guys, take the wrong jobs, and join and quit the Peace Corps: "Turns out I'm more attached to indoor plumbing than I thought!"

The guy is afflicted with being twentysomething

AMY ALKON

ADVICE GODDESS

[Excerpt]

Dear Advice Goddess: Two months ago, I moved out of the apartment I shared with my boyfriend of four years. He's 24; I'm 22. We were inseparable, so close... until his high school buddies moved to town. He became cold and distant and told me he wanted to be on his own for a while. But I didn't know if he wanted to break up. I left town to give him space to figure things out.

We barely spoke, and when I returned, I bumped into him and his new girlfriend! He said, "It just sorta happened." I'm sure — right after I left. I need to know why he lied instead of just admitting there was somebody else. I miss him desperately, and feel lost without him, but I harbor so much bitterness and resentment, I don't know if I can ever forgive him.

— Seeking Closure

Dear Seeking: It's a stage-of-life thing. Guys in their late 40s quit their big job "to spend more time with the family." Guys in their early 20s quit their big relationship to spend more time with women named Mocha and Destiny who swing around a greased pole.

No, this guy didn't inform you of his intentions with the emotional maturity and verbal finesse of a thrice-divorced couples therapy junkie: "I'm hearing that you're not hearing that I'm more into 'Girls Gone Wild' than Girls Gone Wifelike." Men — particularly men in their early 20s — tend not to deal well with emotional conflict, especially any that seems guaranteed to lead to uncontrollable weeping. Maybe that's why, instead of telling you it was over, he only sort of told you — becoming cold and distant and suggesting he merely wanted a little vacation from the relationship, not a permanent escape from Alcatraz.

And maybe you didn't want to know any more than he wanted to tell you, so you ignored the fact that he wasn't exactly jumping on the couch Tom Cruise-style and shouting, "Four more years! Four more years!"

All that matters now is that it's over. You don't need to know why he lied to you. You don't even know if he lied to you. Chances are, he simply took a look at his friends and realized what he'd become: A 24-year-old guy living the life of a paunchy suburban house-husband — minus only the mortgage, the bleeding ulcer and the hearse in the form of a big red minivan. Now, it's your turn to look at where you're at: no, not feeling lost without him, but feeling lost without you.

Be honest, isn't fear of having to go it alone where much of this rage is coming from? Maybe now you'll be forced to do what you should have been doing these past four years — becoming somebody instead of becoming somebody's girlfriend.

Your 20s, especially your early 20s, are the time to make a mess of your life — date the wrong guys, take the wrong jobs, and join and quit the Peace Corps: "Turns out I'm more attached to indoor plumbing than I thought!"

Mistakes are cheaper now — provided they don't require bail. And sometimes, going the wrong way is the only way to find the right way.

If you don't do dumb things in your 20s, when will you do them?

As your kids are going into college? "Bye, kids, I'm off to hitchhike across Africa to find myself." "But, Mom... who's gonna drive me up to move me into my dorm?" "I don't know, dear, but are you using that backpack?"

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Headlines: December, 2006; Humor; Recruitment

When this story was posted in December 2006, this was on the front page of PCOL:




Peace Corps Online The Independent News Forum serving Returned Peace Corps Volunteers

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All Volunteers Safe in Fiji All Volunteers in Fiji are safe and accounted for. The Peace Corps is monitoring the situation very closely. Volunteers are on standfast but there are no plans for evacuation at this time. Peace Corps is working closely with the US embassy and with host country partners to monitor the situation. Peace Corps is confident that volunteers are not in harm's way. The military seized control of Fiji on December 5 after weeks of threats. Subscribe to our news feed to read the latest breaking news.

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December 8, 2006: This Month's Top Stories Ryan Morris disputes Borat image of Kazakhstan 20 Nov PCOL announces Peace Corps News Feed 8 Dec Michael O'Hanlon writes: Civil War in Iraq? 4 Dec Dayton Daily News Editor Jeff Bruce retires 3 Dec John Sherman writes libretto for opera "Biafra" 30 Nov Carol Bellamy writes: The Hidden Cost of AIDS 30 Nov Gaddi Vasquez in Egypt with World Food Programme 29 Nov Bill Moyers writes: Message To West Point 29 Nov Alejandro Toledo appointed Stanford Fellow 29 Nov PC to start five new Master's International Programs 27 Nov Garamendi hopes to reshape role as lieutenant governor 26 Nov Parents plant seeds of caring for Carrie Jane Dulin 25 Nov Beth Duff-Brown returns to Congo Kinshasa 25 Nov Forbes gives Direct Relief International perfect score 23 Nov Margaret Krome writes: Parents provide a lesson 22 Nov PC IG investing in case management system 21 Nov Amy Taylor producing a CD called "NamibiAlive 20 Nov Chris Matthews interviews Seymour Hersh on Iran 20 Nov Joe Acaba speaks to Tech students 20 Nov Jeffrey Stanaway teaches life skills to at-risk teens 19 Nov Sam Farr's spinach fest 18 Nov Dodd Introduces Effective Terrorists Prosecution Act 16 Nov

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Ron Tschetter in Morocco and Jordan On his first official trip since being confirmed as Peace Corps Director, Ron Tschetter (shown at left with PCV Tia Tucker) is on a ten day trip to Morocco and Jordan. Traveling with his wife (Both are RPCVs.), Tschetter met with volunteers in Morocco working in environment, youth development, health, and small business development. He began his trip to Jordan by meeting with His Majesty King Abdullah II and Her Majesty Queen Rania Al Abdullah and discussed expanding the program there in the near future.

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November 12, 2006: This Month's Top Stories Michael O'Hanlon writes: The New Congress and Iraq 9 Nov Amanda Host named new PC Press Director 12 Nov Shays will reach across the aisle for answers in Iraq 8 Nov Petri loses chance to become committee chairman 8 Nov Doyle gets a mandate to improve education 8 Nov Eunice Shriver spends election night with Schwarzenegger 8 Nov Donna Shalala writes: Eliminating gender bias in universities 7 Nov Robert Paul upheld peace amid Afghan war 6 Nov Carol Bellamy receives humanitarian award 6 Nov Joseph Opala studies Black Seminoles 6 Nov David C. Liner named PC Chief of Staff 3 Nov PCV Matthew Costa remembered 2 Nov Ethiopian-American community rallied for Garamendi 2 Nov Christopher Poulos named Teacher of the Year 1 Nov Peace Corps Writers and the Lost Generation 1 Nov James Rupert writes: A deadly attack in Pakistan 31 Oct Hill meets secretly with North Korea to restart talks 31 Oct Jimmy Carter remembers mother in Peace Corps 30 Oct Leigh Emery travels world for science 27 Oct IFAW breaks ground for new headquarters 25 Oct RPCVs Podcast Around the Globe 23 Oct

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Election 2006: Results of RPCV Races Chris Shays claims victory in closely watched race Jim Walsh wins re-election to Congress in close race Tom Petri unopposed for re-election to Congress Sam Farr wins re-election to Congress Mike Honda wins re-election to Congress Jim Doyle wins re-election to Wisconsin Governorship Kinky Friedman loses in long shot bid for Texas Governor John Garamendi elected Lt. Governor of California

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The Peace Corps Library The Peace Corps Library is now available online with over 40,000 index entries in 500 categories. Looking for a Returned Volunteer? Check our RPCV Directory or leave a message on our Bulletin Board. New: Sign up to receive our free Monthly Magazine by email, research the History of the Peace Corps, or sign up for a daily news summary of Peace Corps stories. FAQ: Visit our FAQ for more information about PCOL.

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Chris Dodd's Vision for the Peace Corps Senator Chris Dodd (RPCV Dominican Republic) spoke at the ceremony for this year's Shriver Award and elaborated on issues he raised at Ron Tschetter's hearings. Dodd plans to introduce legislation that may include: setting aside a portion of Peace Corps' budget as seed money for demonstration projects and third goal activities (after adjusting the annual budget upward to accommodate the added expense), more volunteer input into Peace Corps operations, removing medical, healthcare and tax impediments that discourage older volunteers, providing more transparency in the medical screening and appeals process, a more comprehensive health safety net for recently-returned volunteers, and authorizing volunteers to accept, under certain circumstances, private donations to support their development projects. He plans to circulate draft legislation for review to members of the Peace Corps community and welcomes RPCV comments.

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He served with honor One year ago, Staff Sgt. Robert J. Paul (RPCV Kenya) carried on an ongoing dialog on this website on the military and the peace corps and his role as a member of a Civil Affairs Team in Iraq and Afghanistan. We have just received a report that Sargeant Paul has been killed by a car bomb in Kabul. Words cannot express our feeling of loss for this tremendous injury to the entire RPCV community. Most of us didn't know him personally but we knew him from his words. Our thoughts go out to his family and friends. He was one of ours and he served with honor.

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Meet Ron Tschetter - Our Next Director Read our story about Ron Tschetter's confirmation hearing before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee that was carried on C-Span. It was very different from the Vasquez hearings in 2001, very cut and dried with low attendance by the public. Among the highlights, Tschetter intends to make recruitment of baby boomers a priority, there are 20 countries under consideration for future programs, Senator Dodd intends to re-introduce his third goal Peace Corps legislation this session, Tschetter is a great admirer of Senator Coleman's quest for accountability, Dodd thinks management at PC may not put volunteers first, Dodd wants Tschetter to look into problems in medical selection, and Tschetter is not a blogger and knows little about the internet or guidelines for volunteer blogs. Read our recap of the hearings as well as Senator Coleman's statement and Tschetter's statement.

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Peace Corps' Screening and Medical Clearance The purpose of Peace Corps' screening and medical clearance process is to ensure safe accommodation for applicants and minimize undue risk exposure for volunteers to allow PCVS to complete their service without compromising their entry health status. To further these goals, PCOL has obtained a copy of the Peace Corps Screening Guidelines Manual through the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) and has posted it in the "Peace Corps Library." Applicants and Medical Professionals (especially those who have already served as volunteers) are urged to review the guidelines and leave their comments and suggestions. Then read the story of one RPCV's journey through medical screening and his suggestions for changes to the process.

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The Peace Corps is "fashionable" again The LA Times says that "the Peace Corps is booming again and "It's hard to know exactly what's behind the resurgence." PCOL Comment: Since the founding of the Peace Corps 45 years ago, Americans have answered Kennedy's call: "Ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for your country. My fellow citizens of the world: ask not what America will do for you, but what together we can do for the freedom of man." Over 182,000 have served. Another 200,000 have applied and been unable to serve because of lack of Congressional funding. The Peace Corps has never gone out of fashion. It's Congress that hasn't been keeping pace.

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PCOL readership increases 100% Monthly readership on "Peace Corps Online" has increased in the past twelve months to 350,000 visitors - over eleven thousand every day - a 100% increase since this time last year. Thanks again, RPCVs and Friends of the Peace Corps, for making PCOL your source of information for the Peace Corps community. And thanks for supporting the Peace Corps Library and History of the Peace Corps. Stay tuned, the best is yet to come.

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History of the Peace Corps PCOL is proud to announce that Phase One of the "History of the Peace Corps" is now available online. This installment includes over 5,000 pages of primary source documents from the archives of the Peace Corps including every issue of "Peace Corps News," "Peace Corps Times," "Peace Corps Volunteer," "Action Update," and every annual report of the Peace Corps to Congress since 1961. "Ask Not" is an ongoing project. Read how you can help.

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