November 12, 2001 - Personal Web Site: Live from Benin - Matt Kopac's Peace Corps Webs Site
Peace Corps Online:
Directory:
Benin:
Peace Corps Benin :
The Peace Corps in Benin:
November 12, 2001 - Personal Web Site: Live from Benin - Matt Kopac's Peace Corps Webs Site
Live from Benin - Matt Kopac's Peace Corps Webs Site
Live from Benin - Matt Kopac's Peace Corps Webs Site
Live from Benin - Matt Kopac's Peace Corps Webs Site
November 11, 2001 Letter
11/12/01
Hi Everyone!
We spoke to Matthew on Sunday afternoon. He is very excited about his posting in Djougou, a "city" by Benin standards which is close to the center of the country, about a day's drive from the Peace Corp's headquarters in Cotonou. He will start in the beginning of January, working either with a bank or for a national credit agency. He'll help start-up business with their accounting and planning. The work will be better defined as time goes on.
The family compound in which he will live (as the current volunteer does) has electricity 24 hours a day. His place does not have running water but it is available in the compound. The volunteer feels quite fortunate to be living with this family and tells Matthew that he will enjoy them. Other volunteers are posted within two hours in all directions and parts of this business project will include meetings with these volunteers every other week or so. He will learn computer programs such as Microsoft Access, and with a chuckle he said that he will return from Benin with greatly enhanced computer skills.
The city has a very good market with plenty of produce and other necessities. It is predominantly Muslim, a factor which adds even more interest to his stay there. He is looking forward to learning more about their religion. Speaking of religion, Matthew's family in Allada is Catholic so they celebrate Christmas, much to his delight. He has been asking them if they have a Christmas tree, etc. and they just smile and say "Just wait and see". We learned that there are three children in the extended family, girls who are 5yrs., 2yrs. , and 2 months old.
He's asked us to send them some little toys for them and perhaps some Christmas candy and decorations. They also have a VCR so we're on the lookout for French cartoons such as Tin-Tin or Babar. I've already found the book "The Little Prince" in French (one of Matthew's favorite stories) so he can read to them. 
In the meantime, Thanksgiving plans are in the making. The volunteers will gather for a meal somewhere, and they have located a turkey. Of course someone will have to kill it....... Matthew is going to observe the technique his family uses on a chicken and see if he will either do the deed or become a vegetarian.
One day THREE of our packages arrived, including one sent Oct. 29th! Even though the delivery from the headquarters comes only once a week, he was surprised at the speed of the overseas mail. (I sent them via "air mail letter" rate instead of "slow boat" rate.) Volunteers usually try to find American visitors who will take mail back and post it here. When that is not possible we'll discover how long the Benin mail takes. Matthew goes to the internet cafe on occasion, but at a cost 1700 cfs, or over $2 per hour he dosen't linger on the computer. (He is paid $1 a day now). He says that it is otherwise quite possible to live within his means in Allada.
I do have some photos and a cassette tape which I'll get to the webmaster Chad, and Matthew says that more are on the way. (www.kopac.org) He would love to get photos of family and friends. He's been in the best of health and sends his wishes for the same for all of you! As do I.
Ciao!
Mary
October 18, 2001 Letter
10/18/01
Well, it is Thursday, October 18 and I am still in Cotonou. Why do you ask? Out of 37 people, I am the only one to not have yet Cotonou for training (Business volunteers are going to Allada and Health and Environment will be near Parakou) because of health purposes. I feel much better now and will head out tomorrow to join the rest of my group. I picked up a bug somewhere and it put me out of commission for a day. I started to get a fever on Tuesday and that evening we visited the US Ambassador to Benin and then had a party at our Peace Corps Director's home. I was singing and drumming and dancing and probably set myself back due to over-exertion. I guess that would be true to Matt Kopac form. It was a good lesson to learn the first week I am told that the hardest part about being sick during Stage (pre-training) is that I will be spoiled by my time in the Med Unit, and the transition will be a bit more difficult. I have been privy to air conditioning, TV, a laundry service, and a per diem. Also, there are a few volunteers hanging around the Med-Unit and Bureau for different reasons, and talking with them has given me even more insight into the journey to come. My host Mama and Papa can't wait for me to arrive in Allada. They were afraid that I would not be making the trip at all. I am the fifth Volunteer to stay with them, and I am told they take great pride in being referred to as "the best host family in Allada." I am excited to meet them, rejoin my group, and take the next step.
I will write again soon, and email if it is available in Allada. I am in communication with my mom, and if you want you can email her letters to me and she will periodically send them out. Any packages should be sent in the packaging envelopes to save money. I hope all is well with you.
Love, Matt
November 11, 2001 Letter
11/12/01
Hi Everyone!
We spoke to Matthew on Sunday afternoon. He is very excited about his posting in Djougou, a "city" by Benin standards which is close to the center of the country, about a day's drive from the Peace Corp's headquarters in Cotonou. He will start in the beginning of January, working either with a bank or for a national credit agency. He'll help start-up business with their accounting and planning. The work will be better defined as time goes on.
The family compound in which he will live (as the current volunteer does) has electricity 24 hours a day. His place does not have running water but it is available in the compound. The volunteer feels quite fortunate to be living with this family and tells Matthew that he will enjoy them. Other volunteers are posted within two hours in all directions and parts of this business project will include meetings with these volunteers every other week or so. He will learn computer programs such as Microsoft Access, and with a chuckle he said that he will return from Benin with greatly enhanced computer skills.
The city has a very good market with plenty of produce and other necessities. It is predominantly Muslim, a factor which adds even more interest to his stay there. He is looking forward to learning more about their religion. Speaking of religion, Matthew's family in Allada is Catholic so they celebrate Christmas, much to his delight. He has been asking them if they have a Christmas tree, etc. and they just smile and say "Just wait and see". We learned that there are three children in the extended family, girls who are 5yrs., 2yrs. , and 2 months old.
He's asked us to send them some little toys for them and perhaps some Christmas candy and decorations. They also have a VCR so we're on the lookout for French cartoons such as Tin-Tin or Babar. I've already found the book "The Little Prince" in French (one of Matthew's favorite stories) so he can read to them.
In the meantime, Thanksgiving plans are in the making. The volunteers will gather for a meal somewhere, and they have located a turkey. Of course someone will have to kill it....... Matthew is going to observe the technique his family uses on a chicken and see if he will either do the deed or become a vegetarian.
One day THREE of our packages arrived, including one sent Oct. 29th! Even though the delivery from the headquarters comes only once a week, he was surprised at the speed of the overseas mail. (I sent them via "air mail letter" rate instead of "slow boat" rate.) Volunteers usually try to find American visitors who will take mail back and post it here. When that is not possible we'll discover how long the Benin mail takes. Matthew goes to the internet cafe on occasion, but at a cost 1700 cfs, or over $2 per hour he dosen't linger on the computer. (He is paid $1 a day now). He says that it is otherwise quite possible to live within his means in Allada.
I do have some photos and a cassette tape which I'll get to the webmaster Chad, and Matthew says that more are on the way. (www.kopac.org) He would love to get photos of family and friends. He's been in the best of health and sends his wishes for the same for all of you! As do I.
Ciao!
Mary
Next letter
November 19, 2001 Letter
11/19/01
Bonjour tout le monde!
It's a sweaty afternoon here in Allada, Benin. After about two weeks here in my new home, life is beginning to exhibit some semblance of normality as I settle into a routine. But even in this moment of repose, my senses are barraged by a multiplicity of unfamiliar sights and sounds: the bleating of a goat outside of my window, the blaring of Latin American soap operas dubbed into French from the other side of the house, the smell of my own sweat at every moment during the day, the red clay earth that stains everything it touches.
First things first. My host family with whom I'll be for the next two months is wonderful and I feel very much at home. They have been able to anticipate many of my questions and concerns, and are very conscious of my overall health and well-being. The six people that I live with are my Mama, my brother Gilles, my sisters Yolanda, Annette and Placidia, and Annette's daughter Coralie. Placidia is the same age as me, otherwise the rest of my siblings are older (including Lodovec and Lucette, my other two siblings who no not live with me). Quite often other friends and relatives visit and I do my best to piece together the family tree.
The concept of family here in Benin is very broad. Any close friend is your brother or sister. An elder in the community is your Mama or Papa, and a friend's child is your niece, nephew, or own child. Even the concept of aunt and uncle is very foreign, and often these titles are evoked solely for the the benefit of us foreigners. The idea that it is the responsibility of the entire community to raise a child, and care for the sick, elderly, and poor is alive and well here, as I'm sure it is in many other cultures around the world. Therefore it is common to have people outside of the immediate family living in one's home. This has been a cause of confusion for many trainees, and along with the language barrier has given us more trouble than you can imagine. I would be surprised if all the Peace Corps trainees know exactly who everyone living in their home is, even after two weeks.
I believe that I have just about pieced together my family tree. A great thing about this concept of family is that I have already been accepted as a son and brother. I am quite sure that I will stay in contact with my host family throughout my service. We actually just had a completion of service party here this past weekend for the volunteer who stayed with this family two years ago. As the family processed out to the street to see him to his taxi bus their demeanor was sober, as if they were saying goodbye to their actual son/brother.
In addition to my family being very welcoming, my accomodations are also very nice. I have my own room, and share a sitting room and an area out back for bucket showers with my brother, Gilles. The house has four bedrooms in total and also a living room/dining room. A stone wall encloses our courtyard, which houses a cistern, a structure for cooking, some banana and orange trees, and two pit latrines which I can best describa as rustic porto-potties. Everything on our property is clean and well-kept, something that I cannot say about Allada as a whole. I do avoid the latrine and shower at night though, after a harrowing experience my first night here. I utilize avoidance and denial to their fullest extent in order to convince myself that the jurassic roaches do not actually exist.
The city that I live in, Allada, is a place of contrasts. Pockets of moderate wealth are surrounded by destitute poverty, one major paved road invites roaring vehicles past gorge-like dirt side-roads, and in the shadow of a recently completed cellular tower families throw their garbage into the streets and set it ablaze. And just today, I went to the internet cafe after having bought a midday snack from a vendeuse clad only in a skirt.
But of all the contrasts, I feel at times that the biggest one is created by our presence here. We Americans are a novelty to the Beninese people. Heads turn and voices raise whenever I pass down the street. Most of the time, people on the street simply greet me and I reciprocate (salutation in Benin is of utmost importance) but more often than I care for the interactions are less congenial. Little kids sing the "Yovo" song in chorus, adults hiss, and people of all ages cry "Yovo" as I pass by.
"Yovo" is of colonial origin, and is used to describe and name foreigners, particularly Caucasian foreigners since it originally described Europeans. It is unbelievable how pervasive its use is here. The majority of people here don't seem to mean any ill will by it and most often it is just kids seeking attention. I do my best to keep an open mind and recognize the historical context of the term. When I have the energy I will stop and explain that I actually have a name, and they should use it instead of Yovo. It has been heartening to hear small pockets of kids begin to shout "Matthieu" as I pass by. For those interested, the text for the Yovo song is as follows: (Read: sung in a rather taunting manner)
"Yovo, Yovo Bonsoir Ca va bien. Merci".
If I am not mistaken, this means: "Foreigner/white person/, Foreigner/white person Good afternoon/evening, Things are going well. Thank you".
The song is meant to speak of the demeanor of foreigners, and how they would keep their interactions with the Beninese brief as they rushed by. It's a vicious cycle because the song makes us want to pass by without a word. A self-fulfilling prophecy I guess you could call it. Sometimes it is all I can do to smile and ignore. It is life in the bubble to the extreme, especially for a white, middle class male to whom the term "minority" has never really applied. I can only imagine how it will be when I get to my post where it is likely that foreigners are even less common.
It is difficult to overcome the preconceived notions people have of foreigners. There is a strong perception that we are rich (which even with our Peace Corps salary that comes out to a little over a dollar a day during training is probably true) and are here simply to give money to development projects or just to anyone on the street. I am beginning to understand Peace Corps' emphasis on skills transfer. With time and through relationships, I hope to overcome these preconcieved notions.
So you'll have to forgive me for my verbosity. Even with the wonderful Peace Corps support group I have here it is good for me to be able to share these experiences and emotions. I also write often in my journal, but it is nice to write home, too. At times I have mixed emotions, am surprised to look up and realize that I am not in Wisconsin. But each time I come back to center, I am content with the choices I have made.
Even as things here become less new and more routine, I still find excitement in everything I am doing, even when it involves being in a class 40 hours a week. Maybe in my next letter I'll write a bit more about what I'm learning in class. I'll tell you, class in an open-air bar on a sunny day in a tropical climate is way more exciting than in a stuffy classroom in Wisconsin (even if the material isn't always as exciting).
Thank you to everyone who has written, emailed or called. I received a package from my family today and included were hard copies of emails that were sent to her. I enjoyed reading each and every one - they were just what I needed after an exhausting week. The package took about three weeks to get to me, while a letter I recently sent home took about 2 1/2 weeks. If you wish to correspond one-on-one, please make sure that I have your address. Otherwise, my rantings and ravings will have to be accepted in mass letter form. I hope all is well with you at home. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
Love,
Matt
p.s. Send pictures if you have them!
December 3, 2001 Letter
12/3/01
Hey there!
I came down to Cotonou for the weekend to participate in Peace Corps Benin's annual bike race that raises money for and awareness of AIDS work in Benin. Many of us are taking advantage of the internet access here in the city. The bike race was interesting to say the least. The route started off fairly harmless, but eventually took us into downtown rush-hour traffic. I kept thinking I had gotten lost and had gone off the route, but then would see a policeman waving me ahead as cars and motos sped past. The exhaust fumes were especially nice. Anyways, it seems like the event was a success, and the Beninese liked it so much that I spent the rest of the day refusing requests for my Peace Corps issued event t-shirt
Before journeying down to Cotonou, I spent the past week at my post where I got a glimpse of where I will be living and working for the next two years - Djougou. I actually spent four days living with my homologue (my Beninese counterpart that Peace Corps connects us with in our community)in Djougou and then three days with a volunteer in Ndali, located in northeastern Benin. I have a lot to say about Djougou and the kind of work I will be doing but this will have to wait until my next letter. I would refer to be detailed and thorough.
So I have my most interesting Benin story thus far... I suggest that the weak of stomach and the lovers of livestock practice discretion in proceeding. On my way up to Ndali, I piled in the back of a bush taxi with Carrie (another volunteer) along with two other people, expecting only the usual occurrences on the roads here that cause me to fear for my life. About halfway to Ndali we were forced to stop and allow a herd of cattle to cross the street. There were probably about fifty, and they streamed across and essentially surrounded our car. I was a bit amused by the interruption and took out my camera to capture the moment. As I placed my camera back in my bag, Carrie grabbed my arm and told me to look ahead. Just as I raised my head, a semi-truck coming in the opposite direction that I later was told had no brakes, barreled through the herd. The two women to my left screamed and jumped onto my lap as the car shook. Thankfully everyone was fine, and we pulled up about 100 yards to survey the scene. The taxi driver simply got out, checked out his car which had been beaten up pretty badly, then got back in and we drove off like nothing had happened. I guess there is no recourse for something like this here in Benin. I doubt anyone has insurance and the fact that someone had no brakes I guess is not a huge deal. Everyday an adventure I tell you.
Otherwise, life here has been calm and safe. Training is proceeding well, though I think we are all anxious to get to our posts and begin our work. A notable part about training were the computer trainings that we held a few weeks back. We have been meeting with local cooperatives and NGOs to gain a better understanding of how they function here in Benin, and then we organized a computer session for a couple of members of each group. Most of the participants had never even sat down in front of a computer before so it was a frustrating at times but very rewarding experiece. The individual that I worked with was wide-eyed with excitement as he learned what a computer is and what it can be used for, and how to use a few of the functions of Microsoft Word. We were all exhausted after the two hour tutorial, but content with the results. I will write more about this as well in my next letter.
I must go now as I have a taxi waiting. I'm heading back up to Allada today to rejoin my host family for the next month before I am sworn in as a volunteer on January 4th. Our stage has yet to lose a member, which I believe is pretty rare, and were are all looking forward to the next step. I hope all is well back in the States, and I will send a letter out soon.
Love,
Matt
February 9, 2002 Letter
2/9/02
Happy New Year, Everyone!
For yet another year Father Time, in the age-old archetype, offers to us the hope for a new beginning, inspires in us new goals, and ushers to us new opportunities. It is all seemingly more significant for me this year than in years past, the arrival of 2002 coinciding almost exactly with my Peace Corps Trainee group's ascent from trainee to volunteer status.
With swearing-in only two days away, I feel excited but also emotionally taxed as I anticipate my imminent migration from Allada to Djougou, my post and home for the next two years. My emotions are mixed as the next phase of my experience comes into view. Living and working in a community independently is what I have looked forward to since first applying to Peace Corps, never giving training more than a passing thought before I arrived. Now, in addition to having left my family and friends back in the States, I must separate from my host family, my instructors, and the other soon-to-be volunteers with whom I have formed strong bonds. I have actually started to feel settled in Allada.
One factor that has contributed greatly to my level of comfort has been an atypical host family experience. No less enthused to arrive at my post, I'm probably only one of a few people that are sad to leave their host families behind. Most trainees are ready to make a break - just imagine living for three months with not just one person, but a whole family of persons with whom you have virtually nothing in common. The quarters are close; the personal space is scarce, you are an adult in a foreign country but must abide once again to a household's rules. It is hard for me to imagine that in some countries Peace Corps volunteers homestay for the full two years. But bring the devil's advocate that I am, I always love an exception and in this case I seem to be it. Notwithstanding being rudely awakened by my host brother's blaring Congolese music virtually every weekend, I have found very little to be frustrated with.
It was difficult for many Peace Corps Trainees, present company included, to be away from home for the holidays and I missed you all dearly. We persevered, of course, and I have some good stories to share as a result. First of all, I killed a chicken. No, I did not spell its demise simply by ordering a Crispy Chicken with fries and a coke, or by picking it out of my grocer's freezer all nice and wrapped in cellophane. After having avoided all animal killings, ritual and culinary, for three months, I finally did the deed in what we Americans would call the old-fashioned way.
In the days leading up to the holidays, Peace Corps mandated that the group of us prepare a diverse and well-balanced meal to prove that we will not perish from starvation or malnourishment once we are alone at out posts. In addition to a wealth of other food items we purchased ten chickens. As we were being taught the proper procedure even the weakest of heart and stomach drew near, intrigued by the primordial nature of the occasion. I wavered on whether or not I wanted to do it as the first seven chickens met their fate at the hands of the experienced, the bold, the scared, the queasy, and the vegetarians among us. Finally, in what will probably be remembered as a quick transition from queasy to vegetarian, I took the legs of the eigth chicken under one foot, the wings under the other, the head in my left hand, and the knife in my right. I waited until water was given to the chicken, a customary Beninese last rite, and then proceeded. The whole experience probably would have been less traumatic for many of us if the blade hadn't been so dull. Nevertheless, I survived even if the chicken didn't.
For the holidays, a large group of us including the Environment trainees of the north planned another exodus to the beaches of Grand Popo, the Beninese version of a tourist trap. I spent Dec. 23rd and the morning of the 24th there before heading back to Allada to celebrate Christmas Eve with my host family. The cultural highlight of my experience took place the morning of the 24th after sleeping on the beach, lulled by the stars and breaking waves the night before. As I relaxed on the shoreline and dug my toes into the sand still cool from the night air, I spotted a boat of fishermen on the horizon, navigating their way back to shore. They had cast their nets into the ocean miles out the night before and were returning to realize their catch. Soon, the water was dotted with a number of ancient, elegantly carved sea vessels and their crews, and communities of villagers began to line up on the shore to welcome them. Once at shore, the men of each boat lined up alternately on each side of their respective ropes that connected them to their bounty. While one member sounded off African rhythms on a bell, the others heaved in a rhythmic fashion while singing call and response tunes.
After casually observing for some time, a few of us decided to lend our scrawny frames to the cause. I practically bloodied my hands after only ten minutes until a woman from the community, who had been behind us collecting the rope as it was drawn in, brought me a towel to protect my hands. She accompanied it with an amused but friendly expression. The whole experience was pretty surreal. I'm not sure if we bridged a gap between two worlds or merely reinforced the fact that such a gap exists. I remember thinking how odd it was that what was for me a cultural and ephemeral experience was for these people their livelihood. This irony was not lost on me. Nonetheless, they graciously humored us and I believe actualy enjoyed our presence.
When the nets were all in a small group of us purchased two barracudas and a tuna the size of my torso. Only one of us had ever gutted a fish so we figured it out as we went. We grilled them right there on the beach, the freshest fish I have ever tasted.
Christmas I spent with my host family. Throughout the evening of Christmas Eve my family played my Christmas tapes - Bing Crosby and the Muppets' "A Christmas Together" (the requisite holiday music anywhere in the world, if you ask me). Just before midnight, my host family began to decorate, but all was quiet and no appearance of a celebration was apparent - until.......
*Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse....
When what to my great surprise did I hear
But the familiar voice of Miss Britney Spears!
So Christmas 2001 was heralded in
By this pop queen's "Oops, I did it again"
On a mix tape sent from the States just last year
To my host family from a former Peace Corps Volunteer.
I must say, I was very amused, (and yes, Dan Kanninen, I sang the base line just for you). It's nice to know that Peace Corps is imparting to the rest of the world the finer aspects of American culture. After we had our fill of American pop hits, the Afro-Brazilian beats came out and we danced until the wee hours. It was different, but fun. Christmas Day was spent feasting with family and fetting (sorry, franglais for partying) with friends. It was kind of funny, because nobody new exactly when midnight was to signal the arrival of the new year. There was no ball dropping or Dick Clark counting so there wasn't quite the same anticipation. In my host family's home there are three clocks, each showing a slightly different time, the slowest and the fastest about eight minutes apart. I believe the slowest showed 12:03 when everyone started cheering and ran outside to light sparklers. I was a bit befuddled, but enjoyed the moment, sparkler in hand and a cool night's breeze like it was the 4th of July.
Seeing how I'm so close to the next stage, I thought I'd reflect on a few aspects of life to which I have become accustomed, and those that still grate on me. To begin, some things I've gotten used to are:
Public Nudity: OK, so maybe it's only partial nudity, but it was a bit different for me at first to walk down the street and see topless women of all ages going about their daily business. I remember the mortification I felt the first time I ate dinner with my host mother, who to combat the heat was fanning herself with the shirt she was wearing. (Read: Undergarments not comon here.) I remember becoming an expert at making eye contact while engaged in conversation with my host sister while she breastfed her baby. It is interesting to me how different conceptions of modesty develop in different cultures. My experience thus far has been that women must cover their thighs and knees or they are thought lewd.
This all, of course, depends on the region in question, and also seems to be changing overall with increased contact with other cultures. For example, most younger women in areas with any development cover themselves nowadays. I've also been told there is increasing pressure for women to be thin (probably influenced to some degree by the London fashion shows that air every day on the Beninese national TV channel), but it is still considered desirable for a man to have a large wife, which apparently proves that he has adequately provided for her.
Yovo:
In this case, I wouldn't say as much as "gotten used to" - "learned to tolerate well", works a bit better. But there finally came a breaking point where I realized it was ridiculous for me to become angry at bright-eyed kids that were merely fascinated by my existence. It is a bit tougher to accept this from adults, but I just try to recognize the intention behind them saying it rather than merely how it comes off. It is still a work in progress, but I do well to smile and wave despite my occasional off-day. An interesting aspect of culture here relating to this is that people identify each other here by their obvious characteristics. It's probably hard to get used to because I am so used to America's politically correct culture. But in Benin, for example, people will refer to "the short guy", "the woman with one arm", or "the guy with the fat wife". These ways of referring to people are not considered rude, and as far as I know people are not offended by them. Can you imagine this in the States?
There are also quite a few aspects of life here that are difficult to adjust to, some within time I'll get used to (for better or worse) and others that will be difficult to accept throughout my two years here. Here are a couple of them:
Garbage disposal: Three is no place to put trash here and it continues to amaze me. I admit, there are times now when on the street I'll throw garbage on the ground, but I don't like doing it!
The role of women: This is a difficult subject to broach here since most people, or at least most men and the women too intimidated to speak up, seem to accept the status quo. Amelioration of the place of women in society in the developing world is one of the Peace Corps' foremost initiatives, and Benin is no exception as far as needs in this area. As an outsider in a different culture, I've found out that starting out in a paradigm of cultural/moral relativism is helpful when trying to integrate and in trying not to judge. It's a delicate line to toe, keeping one's own culture and self intact but trying to understand and accept another. But I still believe that some truths are universal. And just like American society which didn't give women the vote until just a few decades ago and dosen't provide equal pay for equal work, there is much work to be done in Benin on the gender equality front. For instance, in some areas in Benin polygamy is still a common practice and is vehemently touted by its supporters for its practicality. For example, people believe almost without exception that there are four to six times as many women as men in Benin. Even when I mention that the world gender ratio is virtually 1:1 and that the biological statistical probability of having a boy or a girl is the same, both men and women alike insist that Benin is an exception, like it's some hallowed oasis untouched by the world's logic. Now, I have not seen a recent census but I'm willing to bet my year's salary [granted it's just $1,000] that the reproductive pattern in Benin closely mirrors that of the rest of that world. The point of all this is, is that this misunderstanding is used as an argument in favor of polygamy, i.e. without polygamy many women would be left husbandless. To detail the myriad reasons give for why Benin has more women than men would take more brain power than I have right now. Incidentally, it is also believed here that it is acceptable for men to cheat on their wives, what is called the "deuxieme bureau" or second office, but not OK for women to do the same. Interestingly enough, many people here refer to this practice as "American polygamy". Food for thought..... Out of it all, what has frustrated me most has been when women have argued to me a man's right to have multiple wives, or explained that licentiousness is simply a part of a man's nature, or have spoken against such practices but only because they believe they cause jealousy between women.
The role of women: This is a difficult subject to broach here since most people, or at least most men and the women too intimidated to speak up, seem to accept the status quo. Amelioration of the place of women in society in the developing world is one of the Peace Corps' foremost initiatives, and Benin is no exception as far as needs in this area. As an outsider in a different culture, I've found out that starting out in a paradigm of cultural/moral relativism is helpful when trying to integrate and in trying not to judge. It's a delicate line to toe, keeping one's own culture and self intact but trying to understand and accept another. But I still believe that some truths are universal. And just like American society which didn't give women the vote until just a few decades ago and dosen't provide equal pay for equal work, there is much work to be done in Benin on the gender equality front. For instance, in some areas in Benin polygamy is still a common practice and is vehemently touted by its supporters for its practicality. For example, people believe almost without exception that there are four to six times as many women as men in Benin. Even when I mention that the world gender ratio is virtually 1:1 and that the biological statistical probability of having a boy or a girl is the same, both men and women alike insist that Benin is an exception, like it's some hallowed oasis untouched by the world's logic. Now, I have not seen a recent census but I'm willing to bet my year's salary [granted it's just $1,000] that the reproductive pattern in Benin closely mirrors that of the rest of that world. The point of all this is, is that this misunderstanding is used as an argument in favor of polygamy, i.e. without polygamy many women would be left husbandless. To detail the myriad reasons give for why Benin has more women than men would take more brain power than I have right now. Incidentally, it is also believed here that it is acceptable for men to cheat on their wives, what is called the "deuxieme bureau" or second office, but not OK for women to do the same. Interestingly enough, many people here refer to this practice as "American polygamy". Food for thought..... Out of it all, what has frustrated me most has been when women have argued to me a man's right to have multiple wives, or explained that licentiousness is simply a part of a man's nature, or have spoken against such practices but only because they believe they cause jealousy between women.
Needless to say, I have had some interesting discussions in which I have walked a fine line. I enjoy telling the Beninese that polygamy is illegal in the U.S. which seems to carry some weight, and often I ask about the practice of polyandry (women taking multiple husbands) which elicits without fail shock or laughter. There are a few issues which I don't mind trying to make people uncomfortable. Of course, I suffer similar ambarassment when I am confronted about "American polygamy" or the fact that my country still supports capital punishment.
Requests:
What has been most likely been the toughest aspect of life here thus far has been receiving and refusing requests for money and possessions. While I was alerted that a request can be considered simply a compliment, (i.e. "Give me your bike" can mean "I like your bike") or can be only a game or an attention-getter, for the most part a request is an expectation to receive something. The constant bombardment that we receive has put me on an emotional rollercoaster which becomes a vicious cycle. I begin with a feeling of compassion. One of the major reasons one joins the Peace Corps is to be of assistance, to give of oneself. But there are days when I walk down the street and hear "Yovo, donne-moi cent francs" (Read: Give me 100 francs) more times than I can count and I become annoyed and frustrated. Even when someone asks me for the address of someone in the States they can write to (which pretty much eveyone asks for in addition to my address so they can write me two years from now when I depart) I don't want to oblige. I feel overwhelmed by their expectations and by the prospect of accomodating even a small percentage of their demands. I've even been asked to pay for the schooling of two children. When I reflect, my anger often turns to guilt. I remind myself that the money in my pockets and the value of the clothes on my back are more than many people I encountercan hope for in a lifetime. The Beninois live in a society where there is the opportunity for education but a scarcity of opportunity for gainful employment. And in a culture that is much more community oriented than in the U.S., it is only natural to look to friends and family (and foreigners I guess, too) for the leg up that the state does not provide.
So the guilt leads to perspective and perspective leads once again to compassion. I'm doing my best to remain in a state of constant compassion but it is exhausting and more than I can handle at times. Ah, life in the fishbowl.....probably what I need most is to relax and take it slow - not everything can be solved in a day. I imagine that staring at the wall enough once I get to post (which I hear new volunteers do a lot of) will contribute towards this end.
So on that whirlwind of a note I bring this edition to a close. As you can probably tell, this is a time dominated by a multiplicity of emotions and often they do just that - dominate. In the end, though, I have many more reasons to smile and be thankful than I do to fret so I'm able to maintain a pretty positive attitude. As I stated at the outset of this letter, this is a new beginning for me, a time for new goals and a time that will provide new opportunities. The next time you hear from me I will be Matt Kopac PCV, no longer Matt Kopac PCT. While no major change is taking place besides my move from Allada to Djougou, I'm still going to bask in the symbolism of it all and look forward to the challenges that lie ahead. I hope all is well on your end.
Love,
Matt
11/28/02
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone! I'm in Cotonou and will have a quiet celebration with a couple of Peace Corps friend at our headquarters in Cotonou. I came down South to attend the swearing-in ceremony for the soon-to-be new Volunteers that will take place tomorrow in Allada. I'll spend tomorrow night with my host family there.
As for tonight, the meat-eaters bought ground beef to make burgers and I bought some hummus and pita bread. God love the Lebanese expat population! Turkey was just a bit too ambitious, as this year we are on our own for the holiday.
Otherwise, I am well. Hope you are too. I have so many things to be thankful for it is almost overwhelming. Certainly notable are my family, and Cyndi, who will be arriving in just two weeks! As well as exploring Benin, we'll be traveling to Ghana. It will be my first time traveling outside of Benin and should be a great time.
Have a wonderful holiday.
Love,
Matthew