September 24, 2002 - Personal Web Site: Peace Corps " was so much harder than I thought it would be. I really thought that I could carry with me all the strength and balance that I had in my life in the States"
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September 24, 2002 - Personal Web Site: Peace Corps " was so much harder than I thought it would be. I really thought that I could carry with me all the strength and balance that I had in my life in the States"
Peace Corps " was so much harder than I thought it would be. I really thought that I could carry with me all the strength and balance that I had in my life in the States"
Peace Corps " was so much harder than I thought it would be. I really thought that I could carry with me all the strength and balance that I had in my life in the States"
Tuesday, September 24, 2002
You know, it's interesting to read my journal two years later. I cringe a bit when I write down the lines and I realize how optimistic I was at the time. I believe that I became a bit jaded over time and I lost some of that enthusiasm. It was so much harder than I thought it would be. I really thought that I could carry with me all the strength and balance that I had in my life in the States, but what I discovered was that my environment and community became so ingrained and a part of my being that I lost a sense of who I was and became the collective energy in Moldova. I became hardened by my experiences and bitter on some levels. I never lost my sense of humor and I never lost my willingness and desire to do good work, but it was hard to find at times. You know, the director of Peace Corps, who actually left in the middle of his commitment to take a job with Peace Corps in Nepal, said that Moldova was one of the hardest countries to serve in because the people were depressed. Moldovans were much more balanced and had so much more of what we are accustomed to in the west when it was a part of the USSR. Now, the buildings and the basic structure of life that they were so used to does not exist.
06/16/00
Off Again. We just took off from Chicago and we are flying to Frankfurt. The combination of German and English makes me realize more than many moments that Moldova is only a few hours from here. My fellow volunteers are spread out on the plane. Some are crying, some are smiling, but all of us are taking off for Moldova. The reality of the exit is close to all of our hearts. This is the most difficult transition I've ever made. It began a year ago when Andrew, my boyfriend of three years, and I went on different paths. It was a hard decision, but I knew in my heart that if I didn't follow my heart I would regret it forever. What a hard battle with myself to let go of my security and follow a dream. I can never regret trying. This is an opportunity, a perfect moment in time. All exists at once if I want it to or not. I am feeling amazingly calm and thrilled by this experience. I want to give so much! I want to know so much of the ability to mold and adapt to each moment. This is just the beginning...more later.
- Virginia Bazar, Tuesday, September 24, 2002
Ok. As promised: Here is the entry from the plane.
6/15/00
Here I am, sitting on the airplane flight 1252 American Airlines to Chicago. I new this moment would be emotional to say the least. I never thought it would actually come. It's happening-I'm joining the Peace Corps! The engines are burning and my seat is trembling as we pull out o f the terminal. All I can see at this point is the remaining green trees and the endless runway paths. The images of Heather and Tom are now in a past moment. A second in time recreated in my mind, yet in a distance.
Ok. We're taking off now. This is when I say a prayer.
(At the back of my book I had my friends write their addresses, but they also wrote some really nice words.) I just read all the amazingly gentle words in the back of this book. My family and friends showered me with so much love. I want more than anything to give in this life of mine, because so much has been given to me: so much love and compassion. This opportunity in all of its beauty will keep me moving ahead. I'll look back with the fondest of thoughts and memories, but I won't hold onto it. To truly learn and grow in this adventure, I must exist, as much as I can, in the moment and to appreciate all its perfection and to bring the energies of the universe to me and through me. Saying goodbye was hard, but beautiful. I know that I can't hold on to anyone; I have so much faith in the process of life that everything will work out, no matter what happens.
I can't believe this is actually happening. Every moment seems to move, motionless. Here I go without looking back.
It was really emotional and a little difficult for me to type words from my personal journal down on this online journal, where I know almost anyone can read what I've written. It's a little hard, but quite fascinating. I'm not too worried about my personal life displayed for the entire world, because I don't have too much to hide. I probably won't write every detail, but I'll write what I can and what won't get me in trouble.
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Story Source: Personal Web Site
This story has been posted in the following forums: : Headlines; COS - Moldova
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