January 9, 2005: Headlines: COS - Tonga: Writing - Tonga: Romance: LA Times: Tonga RPCV Jan Worth says: My new "boyfriend" (silly term, because we are on the senior side of middle age) drove with me into Yosemite on a blustery, rainy spring day. We'd known each other 25 years before in the Peace Corps. We found each other again, unexpectedly, through a friend and with the help of e-mail. Our rediscovery of one another has been a miracle

Peace Corps Online: Directory: Tonga: Peace Corps Tonga : The Peace Corps in Tonga: January 9, 2005: Headlines: COS - Tonga: Writing - Tonga: Romance: LA Times: Tonga RPCV Jan Worth says: My new "boyfriend" (silly term, because we are on the senior side of middle age) drove with me into Yosemite on a blustery, rainy spring day. We'd known each other 25 years before in the Peace Corps. We found each other again, unexpectedly, through a friend and with the help of e-mail. Our rediscovery of one another has been a miracle

By Admin1 (admin) (pool-141-157-13-244.balt.east.verizon.net - 141.157.13.244) on Saturday, January 15, 2005 - 12:09 pm: Edit Post

Tonga RPCV Jan Worth says: My new "boyfriend" (silly term, because we are on the senior side of middle age) drove with me into Yosemite on a blustery, rainy spring day. We'd known each other 25 years before in the Peace Corps. We found each other again, unexpectedly, through a friend and with the help of e-mail. Our rediscovery of one another has been a miracle

Tonga RPCV Jan Worth says: My new boyfriend (silly term, because we are on the senior side of middle age) drove with me into Yosemite on a blustery, rainy spring day. We'd known each other 25 years before in the Peace Corps. We found each other again, unexpectedly, through a friend and with the help of e-mail. Our rediscovery of one another has been a miracle

Tonga RPCV Jan Worth says: My new "boyfriend" (silly term, because we are on the senior side of middle age) drove with me into Yosemite on a blustery, rainy spring day. We'd known each other 25 years before in the Peace Corps. We found each other again, unexpectedly, through a friend and with the help of e-mail. Our rediscovery of one another has been a miracle

Checking Your Baggage
# Why traveling old haunts with new loves gets complicated

By Jan Worth, Jan Worth is a freelance writer based in Flint, Mich.

I didn't understand the tug of sorrow in my throat. My new "boyfriend" (silly term, because we are on the senior side of middle age) drove with me into Yosemite on a blustery, rainy spring day. I'd never been there, and I was predictably wowed as we emerged from the granite tunnel into the expanse of valley, cliff and gushing waterfalls. We pulled over and climbed out of the car to take it in. The gloom of the day accented the beauty: Moody patches of fog drifted across the cliff tops as we watched, silent and in awe.

When we reached the turbulent Merced River, Ted described how he had brought his kids, now grown, to this place when they were little, and how they had gone tubing for hours, and how glad he was then to be their father and to see them happy. He and his kids had made memories here, and Ted, now divorced, cherished these vacations with Yosemite's reassuring continuity in the background.

Then my sorrow made sense. It was too late for Ted, at 60, and me, at 52, to make that particular kind of memory. "I wish I could have been there," I said, as I wrestled with the truth of the matter: Life has limits.

We'd known each other 25 years before in the Peace Corps. We found each other again, unexpectedly, through a friend and with the help of e-mail. Our rediscovery of one another has been a miracle. We are trying something new for both of us—commuting back and forth between my home in Michigan and his in L.A. We recognize that we cannot abandon either of our lives, which have decades-deep roots. Thus, the peril of traveling with a new mate.

Travel is a ritual for creating important stories and marking time, but sometimes it's also a poignant, even unwelcome, reminder of a bygone life or a lost opportunity. Travel sometimes thrusts a sojourner, open and unsuspecting, into pain.

The next morning in Yosemite, still on Eastern time, I woke before 6 and watched my California man dozing in West Coast slumber. From our room in the Ahwahnee hotel, I could see and hear Yosemite Falls, engorged with spring runoff. I was just a month shy of my legal divorce. New at emotional control, I didn't know how to stop the thought that grabbed me: I wish my ex-husband could see this. Some of our best times had been on trips. Even though I'd never been to Yosemite with him, an irrational thought pushed in: I shouldn't have come here without him. Yet there was a competing reality. In the present I was happy, my spirit soothed by the scale of the cliffs and the brave granite. Watching Ted as he slept calmed me, but I wanted to be alone to think.

I crept out of the room, down the wide stone stairs, out the door and into the fragrant meadow. Four deer grazed quietly 20 yards away. Looking back at the hotel, I saw blue TV light in various rooms—other Eastern time travelers, I thought, checking CNN for bad news or familiar voices. I told myself this was my moment, my place. I was sharing it with Ted, who loves Yosemite and wanted me to be there. I was laying down new patterns in my brain and heart. The morning, the meadow, the deer—I walked back to my room as balanced as if I'd been to a chiropractor.

One of my friends had advised, "Go someplace neither of you has ever been. Anything else is trouble." But it's hard to resist taking new loves to old haunts. I want to take Ted to places that matter to me. I want to be able to say "Remember that time we . . . " as if we'd been together forever. I want to co-own a stockpile of stories that makes us both laugh, that we can tell and retell our friends—even though his friends and mine are from different tribes and laugh at different things.

I invited him to Lake Superior, a magic and spiritual spot for me. "Please tell me you won't take him to Grand Marais," my soon-to-be-ex uttered on the phone, and the guilt stabbed. I knew what he meant.

But, I reasoned, I'd first gone to the quiet village in Michigan's upper peninsula decades ago with another boyfriend, before my husband. When I took my husband there I had hoped to claim the place for us, and it was ours for a time. Later, angling for peace of mind, I went to Grand Marais alone, stayed in my favorite funky motel and let it just be mine. I reasoned that my personal connection to the place trumped partner loyalty.

So I did take Ted, hoping geography would transcend broken hearts, as if my healing would be hastened by seeing that particular turn of light on water, watching stiff beach grass fight the wind, palming the black stones on the beach. I told him I wanted my ashes scattered on that beach, and he hugged me while the sun set over the breakwater. I wanted to see if Ted would love me there, and he did. But the old sorrow bubbled up. I told him I couldn't spend the night there, so we found lodgings up the coast at a place I'd never been.

By definition, the traveler moves on. Just recently, sitting at a restaurant in L.A. that is now our favorite, we held hands across a familiar table, waiting for what we knew would be fabulous crème brûlée, and I found myself saying, "Remember that time we . . . . "

That night I was happy to take the good with the bad, savoring the bittersweet tastes of starting over.





When this story was posted in January 2005, this was on the front page of PCOL:

Coleman: Peace Corps mission and expansion Date: January 8 2005 No: 373 Coleman: Peace Corps mission and expansion
Senator Norm Coleman, Chairman of the Senate Subcommittee that oversees the Peace Corps, says in an op-ed, A chance to show the world America at its best: "Even as that worthy agency mobilizes a "Crisis Corps" of former Peace Corps volunteers to assist with tsunami relief, I believe an opportunity exists to rededicate ourselves to the mission of the Peace Corps and its expansion to touch more and more lives."
RPCVs active in new session of Congress Date: January 8 2005 No: 374 RPCVs active in new session of Congress
In the new session of Congress that begins this week, RPCV Congressman Tom Petri has a proposal to bolster Social Security, Sam Farr supported the objection to the Electoral College count, James Walsh has asked for a waiver to continue heading a powerful Appropriations subcommittee, Chris Shays will no longer be vice chairman of the Budget Committee, and Mike Honda spoke on the floor honoring late Congressman Robert Matsui.

January 8, 2005: This Week's Top Stories Date: January 8 2005 No: 367 January 8, 2005: This Week's Top Stories
Zambia RPCV Karla Berg interviews 1,374 people on Peace 7 Jan
Breaking Taboo, Mandela Says Son Died of AIDS 6 Jan
Dreadlocked PCV raises eyebrows in Africa 6 Jan
RPCV Jose Ravano directs CARE's efforts in Sri Lanka 6 Jan
Persuading Retiring Baby Boomers to Volunteer 6 Jan
Inventor of "Drown Proofing" retires 6 Jan
NPCA Membership approves Board Changes 5 Jan
Timothy Shriver announces "Rebuild Hope Fund" 5 Jan
More Water Bottles, Fewer Bullets 4 Jan
Poland RPCV Rebecca Parker runs Solterra Books 2 Jan
Peace Corps Fund plans event for September 30 Dec
RPCV Carmen Bailey recounts bout with cerebral malaria 28 Dec
more top stories...

RPCVs and Peace Corps provide aid  Date: January 4 2005 No: 366 Latest: RPCVs and Peace Corps provide aid
Peace Corps made an appeal last week to all Thailand RPCV's to consider serving again through the Crisis Corps and more than 30 RPCVs have responded so far. RPCVs: Read what an RPCV-led NGO is doing about the crisis an how one RPCV is headed for Sri Lanka to help a nation he grew to love. Question: Is Crisis Corps going to send RPCVs to India, Indonesia and nine other countries that need help?
The World's Broken Promise to our Children Date: December 24 2004 No: 345 The World's Broken Promise to our Children
Former Director Carol Bellamy, now head of Unicef, says that the appalling conditions endured today by half the world's children speak to a broken promise. Too many governments are doing worse than neglecting children -- they are making deliberate, informed choices that hurt children. Read her op-ed and Unicef's report on the State of the World's Children 2005.
Changing of the Guard Date: December 15 2004 No: 330 Changing of the Guard
With Lloyd Pierson's departure, Marie Wheat has been named acting Chief of Staff and Chief of Operations responsible for the day-to-day management of the Peace Corps. Although Wheat is not an RPCV and has limited overseas experience, in her two years at the agency she has come to be respected as someone with good political skills who listens and delegates authority and we wish her the best in her new position.
Our debt to Bill Moyers Our debt to Bill Moyers
Former Peace Corps Deputy Director Bill Moyers leaves PBS next week to begin writing his memoir of Lyndon Baines Johnson. Read what Moyers says about journalism under fire, the value of a free press, and the yearning for democracy. "We have got to nurture the spirit of independent journalism in this country," he warns, "or we'll not save capitalism from its own excesses, and we'll not save democracy from its own inertia."
RPCV safe after Terrorist Attack RPCV safe after Terrorist Attack
RPCV Gina Abercrombie-Winstanley, the U.S. consul general in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia survived Monday's attack on the consulate without injury. Five consular employees and four others were killed. Abercrombie-Winstanley, the first woman to hold the position, has been an outspoken advocate of rights for Arab women and has met with Saudi reformers despite efforts by Saudi leaders to block the discussions.
Is Gaddi Leaving? Is Gaddi Leaving?
Rumors are swirling that Peace Corps Director Vasquez may be leaving the administration. We think Director Vasquez has been doing a good job and if he decides to stay to the end of the administration, he could possibly have the same sort of impact as a Loret Ruppe Miller. If Vasquez has decided to leave, then Bob Taft, Peter McPherson, Chris Shays, or Jody Olsen would be good candidates to run the agency. Latest: For the record, Peace Corps has no comment on the rumors.
The Birth of the Peace Corps The Birth of the Peace Corps
UMBC's Shriver Center and the Maryland Returned Volunteers hosted Scott Stossel, biographer of Sargent Shriver, who spoke on the Birth of the Peace Corps. This is the second annual Peace Corps History series - last year's speaker was Peace Corps Director Jack Vaughn.

Read the stories and leave your comments.






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Story Source: LA Times

This story has been posted in the following forums: : Headlines; COS - Tonga; Writing - Tonga; Romance

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