2006.10.13: October 13, 2006: Headlines: COS - Yemen: Obituaries: Redfield Press: Yemen RPCV Betty Payne writes: Most of you know, I think, that my husband Harold left this life earlier this year
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2006.10.13: October 13, 2006: Headlines: COS - Yemen: Obituaries: Redfield Press: Yemen RPCV Betty Payne writes: Most of you know, I think, that my husband Harold left this life earlier this year
Yemen RPCV Betty Payne writes: Most of you know, I think, that my husband Harold left this life earlier this year
"As I was sorting through some of Harold’s old papers last week I found a letter addressed to me in his handwriting, which he had never, to my recollection, sent to me. It was certainly not a love letter in the usual sense, nor was it even casually sentimental or romantic—written in 1971, we had met only a few months previously and distance did not encourage frequent dating or a whirlwind courtship. (Following our initial meetings, I spent four years abroad, with the Peace Corps and as a TEFL teacher in Yemen. Our communications were limited to somewhat infrequent exchanges of letters.) But, as we often do, I read between the lines and recognized, even at that early point in our relationship, essentials of the character I discovered gradually as our friendship developed—a sensitivity, an unassuming, quiet modesty, a restrained consideration for my situation, and even a subtle sense of humor. If that catalogue of virtues extracted from a mere friendly letter sounds a bit idealized, I can only aver that, in reality, these qualities may have been understated."
Yemen RPCV Betty Payne writes: Most of you know, I think, that my husband Harold left this life earlier this year
‘...emotion recollected in tranquillity.’William Wordsworth
BY BETTY PAYNE
In a few moments I believe you will understand why I feel rather emotionally fragile as I write this article. Most of you know, I think, that my husband Harold left this life earlier this year. Possibly my present feelings are a sign that what I am attempting to commit to paper should not be exposed to public scrutiny at all. Yet I also feel that I owe it, partially to myself and partially to my late husband, to share some insights into his nature, to reaffirm my remembrance of the man he once was before disability and a form of dementia forced him into a role of dependency he would never have voluntarily chosen.
As I was sorting through some of Harold’s old papers last week I found a letter addressed to me in his handwriting, which he had never, to my recollection, sent to me. It was certainly not a love letter in the usual sense, nor was it even casually sentimental or romantic—written in 1971, we had met only a few months previously and distance did not encourage frequent dating or a whirlwind courtship. (Following our initial meetings, I spent four years abroad, with the Peace Corps and as a TEFL teacher in Yemen. Our communications were limited to somewhat infrequent exchanges of letters.) But, as we often do, I read between the lines and recognized, even at that early point in our relationship, essentials of the character I discovered gradually as our friendship developed—a sensitivity, an unassuming, quiet modesty, a restrained consideration for my situation, and even a subtle sense of humor. If that catalogue of virtues extracted from a mere friendly letter sounds a bit idealized, I can only aver that, in reality, these qualities may have been understated.
I don’t intend to quote excerpts from the letter as it would seem somewhat indecent on my part to commit a posthumous betrayal of his penchant for personal privacy. However, among those same papers was also a letter written to one of his female cousins, apparently also never sent. I will not quote directly from this missive either, but (at the risk of seeming to contradict myself on the principle of respecting my late husband’s privacy), I am hoping to redeem my apparent perfidy by marshaling a very small sample (paraphrased) of his skill in correspondence. My purpose is simply to offer concrete evidence of the once lucid and logical mind and self-deprecating sense of humor my late husband possessed. There is nothing either suggestive or essentially embarrassing about the contents of the letter to either the author or the reader—and I make that claim to justify this minor revelation.
In the letter to his cousin (deaf from birth but full of mischeif), Harold spoke joshingly of her unsuccessful attempts in acting as matchmaker for him.. (The time was slightly prior to our having met.) He complained that her efforts, however energetic or purposeful, had achieved only disappointment of his objective. He had, he stated, written a very sensible and informative letter to the person she had suggested as a possible partner, but the only result had been—NOTHING: no response, no letter, no communication, NOTHING. And, he added, “I wrote a very good letter, too.”
It would seem his disappointment in this situation was only temporary and not especially discomfiting to him. I suspect he intended that his cousin should share in a hearty laugh, as if some juvenile absurdity had occurred, and relegate the whole episode to a forgotten past.
Discovering old messages such as I found resurrects “remembrance of things past” and triggers memories of better times and more auspicious moments in the years Harold and I spent together. I will keep the letters as souvenirs to which I can return when my spirits need a touch of reassurance and renewal .
The English Romantic poet William Wordsworth coined an often quoted phrase that suits the circumstances of this moment of “salvage” quite fortuitously: “...emotion recollected in tranquillity.” It is an apt choice of meaningful expression. (It may explain why I have used it as the title of this sentimental piece.)
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Story Source: Redfield Press
This story has been posted in the following forums: : Headlines; COS - Yemen; Obituaries
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