There's the "Pocket Guide to Mullets," a chapter on the variations of that ancient revered hairstyle; "Poly-Ticks," his vision of a better Texas during his campaign; and another one recalling telephone conversations with presidents, ex-presidents and would-be presidents - the two Georges, Bill Clinton and John Kerry. In "Texas for Dummies," there are detailed instructions on how to be a true Texan: "Buy you a big ol' pickup truck or a Cadillac," "Remember: y'all is singular; all y'all is plural' and all y'all's is plural possessive," and "Everything goes better with picante sauce. No exceptions." His solution for immigration follows a theory proposed by Texas Ranger Joaquin Jackson, called "The Five Mexican Generals Plan," which, though sounding outlandishly expensive, in the long run, he figures "might just work." Author, Musician, and candidate for Governor of Texas, Kinky Friedman served as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Malaysia in the 1960's.
Kinky Friedman tells what he would do in latest treatise
Kinky Friedman tells what he would do in latest treatise
By Irene Van Winkle
West Kerr Current
He's run for governor of Texas, played music in Greenwich Village on the heels of Bob Dylan, written more than two dozen books, and continues crusading for strays and abandoned creatures.
This Saturday, July 12, fans of "The Kinkster," will have another chance to visit with their idol, who will have a book-signing, and readings, at Wolfmueller's Book Store from 3-5 p.m.
In his latest (28th) book, "What Would Kinky Do - How to Unscrew a Screwed-Up World," Kinky Friedman casts a net over 60-plus years of accumulated memories, experiences, swirling cigar smoke and miles of country roads - sifted through a uniquely Jewish-Cowboy kerchief.
"It's in the style of Mark Twain or Molly Ivins - the pieces just come from all over the place," Friedman said.
A base of the pieces, he said, have appeared in Texas Monthly magazine, but there are a number of new surprises.
"There are a lot of pieces that I've churned out ... er, carefully crafted, that are an index of an empty life. Some of it is old stuff, but much has not been seen before," he said. "There's a little wisdom, a little humor, a little poetry, but I know you can't please everyone."
It's a camp stew of tender introspection and reflection, stirred and chili-peppered throughout with a hilarity that doesn't disappoint.
Punctuating the verbal brew are wicked little thumb-nail cartoons by songwriter John Callahan. Asked how he creates, Callahan said, "I clutch the pen between both hands in a pathetic childlike manner that endears me to millions of conflicted fans around the world."
Friedman's vignettes offer advice on life, death and everything in-between.
Of course, he adds, no human being ever took any good advice - "Millions upon millions of people, however, have taken bad advice, foolish advice, pop advice, and glib advice. Why is this? No doubt it's partly because of the perversity of human nature. This notwithstanding, the other part, I believe, is because of the sanctimonious, constipated, pompous, smug, and self-righteous way that good advice is usually given."
Regarding common sense, "it's nothing new in government; it's merely something rare."
There's the "Pocket Guide to Mullets," a chapter on the variations of that ancient revered hairstyle; "Poly-Ticks," his vision of a better Texas during his campaign; and another one recalling telephone conversations with presidents, ex-presidents and would-be presidents - the two Georges, Bill Clinton and John Kerry.
In "Texas for Dummies," there are detailed instructions on how to be a true Texan: "Buy you a big ol' pickup truck or a Cadillac," "Remember: y'all is singular; all y'all is plural' and all y'all's is plural possessive," and "Everything goes better with picante sauce. No exceptions."
His solution for immigration follows a theory proposed by Texas Ranger Joaquin Jackson, called "The Five Mexican Generals Plan," which, though sounding outlandishly expensive, in the long run, he figures "might just work."
Another section is on personal heroes - "virtually all my heroes are dead," he said, calling that passage after life, "stepping on a rainbow." He included his parents, Minnie and Tom Friedman, who opened Echo Hill ranch for children in Medina.
There are reflections on his "second mother," Lottie Cotton, who lived past 100 years of age. She was not the middle-class Friedman family's maid or nanny, but "helped cook and babysit during the day and soon became part of our family: ... "a true mender of the human spirit" ... "who was always spiritually color-blind; her Jesus was the color of love."
Besides bits on Don Imus, and the nostalgic "A Little Night Music," there's commentary on health, aging, and, of course, other musicians.
Backstage at a concert, Friedman wrote, Billy Joe Shaver pointed out that the real show was not onstage, but "out there" in the audience.
Friedman describes Willie Nelson, a lightning-fast chess player, playing the game of chess like he played the game of life ... "with a Zen Texan approach to inevitable triumphs and defeats - the endgame doesn't hold great interest for him because he's already thinking about the next game."
Friedman's take on hunting - "There is never a moment when a Texan cannot legally curl his finger ‘round a happy trigger" ... adding, "I do not suffer hunters gladly. I realize, of course, that in a deeper sense all of us are hunting for something, and few of us ever find it."
Compared to the cold glare of big cities, Friedman says, "In a small town, you're responsible for your behavior," which are "breeding grounds for some of the most colorful characters on the planet. ... Tides that run deep in small towns ... deep as the sea of humanity - deep as the winding muddy river of life."
Friedman reflects on cowboys, often holding up his old friend from Medina, Earl Buckelew, as a model:
"True cowboys must be able to ride beyond time and geography. They must leave us a dream to grow by - a haunting echo of a song, a fine dust that is visible for generations even in a black and white sunset ... within the soul of every cowboy shines a spirit that might just save us from ourselves."
Wolfmueller Books is located in Kerrville at 229 Earl Garrett St. For more information, call 257-7323.
To find out more on the author, go to www.kinkyfriedman.com or www.utopiarescue.com.
