Maria Shriver's latest book "And One More Thing Before You Go ... " offers advice for teenage girls and grew out of a speech Shriver gave to a group of high school senior girls and their mothers.
Shriver's advice to grads
By Alison apRoberts -- Bee Staff Writer
Published 2:15 am PDT Friday, May 20, 2005
Don't forget to floss. Use sunscreen. Show up on time. Do your homework. Go to college. Learn a trade. Don't worry too much. Worry more.
The chorus of advice from adults is in full swing, as much a trapping of the graduation season as "Pomp and Circumstance," diplomas and mortarboards.
Joining in is Maria Shriver, author and wife of Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger.
"And One More Thing Before You Go ... " is her latest - and fifth - book (Free Press, $13.95, 62 pages). It offers advice for teenage girls and grew out of a speech Shriver gave to a group of high school senior girls and their mothers.
Those standing in line to have the new book signed by Shriver seemed to think they can always use some more advice, or at least the first lady's advice. The view must be pretty widely held, seeing as sales have kept it on best-seller lists since shortly after it was published April 5.
"It's really inspirational," said Shivali Rathore, who is 17 and will start her senior year at Mira Loma High School in the fall. She came to a Sacramento Borders with her mother, Archna Rathore, to meet Shriver at a recent book signing.
"This book just says everything," Archna Rathore said.
"I wish I had had this book when my daughter graduated," said Patricia Wheeler as she waited for her copy of the book to be signed at a different appearance in Sacramento. "I'm 48 and it's still good advice for me."
No doubt about it, Shriver is an advice expert. Not only has she written another best-selling book of advice for young women ("Ten Things I Wish I Had Known Before I Went Out Into the Real World," published in 2000), but she is a veteran dispenser of guidance as mother to four children, Christopher, 7, Patrick, 11, Christina, 13, and Katherine, 15.
Shriver, who is 49, is also a veteran recipient of advice from her own mother, Eunice Shriver, sister of President Kennedy and founder of Special Olympics. She is still, at 84, offering lots of advice to national legislators on policies affecting those with developmental disabilities.
The title of the new book is a tribute to Eunice Shriver, champion of the "and one more thing" line during her daughter's childhood. No amount of eyeball-rolling ever slowed her down.
"She's still one-more-thinging me," Shriver said during a phone interview from Southern California about her new book.
What she's saying -- and the thinking behind it
"As you dive into your own future, remember this: If you feel afraid, it means you're alive. That's good. Now use it."
- from the chapter titled "Fear Can Be Your Best Teacher" in Maria Shriver's "And One More Thing Before You Go ..."
"Fear is an inevitable part of life," Shriver said by phone. "I'm a big believer in saying to young girls who think they need to be perfect, or they shouldn't rock the boat, it's OK to be scared."
Being a mom means never having to say you're through being scared, especially for Shriver as daughter Katherine gets ready to get her driving permit.
"Yes, that scares me," Shriver said. "Everything about teenage life has scared me and challenged me."
"Be willing to change, to adapt. Be willing to switch direction and strike out on a new path if you want to. Or if, like me, you have to."
- from the chapter titled "Be Willing To Let Go of Your Plan"
Switching directions has become a lifestyle for Shriver since her husband's elevation to the governorship and the resulting loss of her regular TV news job as a reporter for NBC's "Dateline." (She continues as an NBC contributor on special projects.)
"I think in the last year and a half I changed my plans several times; that's not to say it has been easy," she said.
Becoming first lady was never a plan that she dreamt up herself, and yet, she says, adapting to it has been worth it.
"When people come up and express their pride in you and hope in you, it's a large responsibility," she said. "The overall job of being first lady - it's been very challenging and humbling and a moving experience for me."
"Along with love, courage is what you need more than anything in this life. In tough times it tells you, 'I can go through this!' Even when it feels like you can't."
- from the chapter titled "You'll Need a Lot of Courage"
Shriver knows a lot about holding her head up when the negative press swirls. The first lady says that's why all the "honeymoon is over" stories about her husband's popularity don't faze her.
"For me, it's a lot of déjà vu. I grew up in that kind of atmosphere," she said. "When I was a child, I didn't understand; I felt, 'Oooh, people don't like the Kennedys.' "
Her own kids have to cope with the cruel commentary much as she did.
"I think you can talk to your children about what you feel about it, but at the end of the day, you can only say, 'Buck up,' 'cause that is life."
"Don't sell yourself short by being so afraid of failure you don't dare to make any mistakes. Make your mistakes and learn from them. And remember - no matter how many mistakes you make, your mother always loves you!"
- from the chapter titled "Learn From Your Mistakes"
Shriver recounts in the book her experience with suggesting that the little-visited Golden State History Museum downtown dedicate itself to the history of women in California.
"I just made a doozie," she writes. "And it came back and bopped me on the head."
Her suggestion was criticized as a power move to take over the museum. She insisted that she was just making suggestions, not giving orders. The museum is now the California Museum for History, Women and the Arts.
On the phone, she insisted she wouldn't trade the flap for anything.
"I wouldn't change it. I'm glad I went through that process," she said. Because the museum is technically a private enterprise with its own board, Shriver said, she mistakenly thought getting involved in its operations would be free of political peril.
"I was asked to help, and sometimes you do get smacked when you help," she said.
"Weigh out your competing priorities and see how you can fulfill them over time, without making yourself insane with guilt. If you achieve that balance, that'll make all of us older women envious of you - and proud."
- from the chapter titled "It's a Balancing Act"
For Shriver, balance, in part, means helping her kids feel that they are not eclipsed by their high-profile father.
"I always want my kids to know that what's going on in their lives is as important as what's going on in their dad's life," she said.
You get the feeling speaking with her that her priorities are clearly focused on home, and have long been. (Shriver once rescheduled an interview with Cuban leader Fidel Castro so she could take one of her daughters to her first day of preschool.)
The phone interview, for instance, comes during a day in which Shriver is in full-mom mode.
"Parent-teacher conferences and schedules for next year - that's my morning," she said.
Shriver is busy these days shepherding her kids into summer schedules. Community service, as always, is the theme of their activities, reflecting a family legacy for the daughter of Sargent Shriver, a leading advocate of public service and the founding director of the Peace Corps. He is 89 and struggling with Alzheimer's. Shriver wrote about the memoryrobbing disease in 2004's "What's Happening to Grandpa?" her third book for children.
Trying to make time for her parents is one of the challenges of her life, she says.
While she's seeking balance in her life as wife, daughter and mother, Maria Shriver says she also tries to keep her advising impulses in balance as well.
"It can be nagging," she said. "And I don't want to be in the nagging business."
