2006.12.30: December 30, 2006: Headlines: COS - Niger: Obituaries: The Cincinnati Enquirer: Husband remembers Niger RPCV Mary Ann Hobson
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2006.12.30: December 30, 2006: Headlines: COS - Niger: Obituaries: The Cincinnati Enquirer: Husband remembers Niger RPCV Mary Ann Hobson
Husband remembers Niger RPCV Mary Ann Hobson
"She was a person of many accomplishments - an artist most of all, a teacher and linguist who served in the Peace Corps in Africa, taught immigrant children in Australia, sang and acted, and brought a great sense of personal discipline and concentration to everything she tried to do. After her death, I felt a great sadness that many people never knew her - and a fear that what she was might quickly slip away. I am certain that many other families experienced the same sadness, the same fear after the deaths of their loved ones. But I am also certain that like me, they have come to realize that so much of those lives does not go away and cannot be negated, whatever we do or don't do to remember them. It is as though each of us contributes to a sort of "Butterfly Effect," by our actions subtly altering the world in ways we may never know or understand, but are real and indelible. In Mary Ann's case, I like to think that there are now-grown former students of hers around the world, from Africa to California to Australia, who now and then remember "Miss Hobson" and the high standards she insisted upon. Or that a student or researcher going through the stacks at Cal State San Bernardino may gain a flash of insight from something she wrote in her thesis on Emily Dickinson's poetry. Or that one of her richly thoughtful canvases will stir the soul and the imagination of another artist - or a musician or writer or scientist or child, for that matter. And then there is our son, whom she will not see graduate from high school but who will carry much of her spirit and outlook into what he does with his own life. Like these other Lives Remembered in 2006, she wasn't famous, but like them, she changed the world."
Husband remembers Niger RPCV Mary Ann Hobson
Remembering those we have lost
There is a scene in the 1985 movie "Back to the Future" in which Marty McFly, the character played by Michael J. Fox, has traveled back to the 1950s, only to encounter his parents as teenagers. He pulls out a snapshot of his 1980s family and finds that his older brother's image is disappearing, limb by limb - because Marty's actions have changed the future into one in which his brother will never have been born.
This may be the stuff of sci-fi, but somehow the fear this scene evokes does strike a chord with many of us. Perhaps greater than the fear death itself, even greater than the fear of fading from memory, is our fear that it will be as if we had never existed at all.
This is not so much a concern for the famous among us, celebrities and leaders such as James Brown and Gerald Ford, who died during the past few days. Their lives will long be remembered; their accomplishments will endure; they died knowing they had made a difference in society at large.
Indeed, newspapers, magazines and TV spend much effort at the end of December looking back to celebrate the lives of prominent people who died during the year. They will get their due - in some cases, perhaps more than their due.
But what about the rest of us? What about those who didn't achieve fame but shared unique gifts and accomplished worthy things during their time on Earth?
Recently, I looked through the hundreds of "Lives Remembered" obituaries that appeared in The Enquirer in 2006, written with such care by Rebecca Goodman and other staff writers. It was a humbling and inspiring exercise, catching glimpses of individuals who lived extraordinarily ordinary lives full of talent, achievement and love.
A few of those individuals appear at right. Take a moment to read about them. From the tenor in a gospel quintet to the soccer coach to the guidance counselor to the too-young widow who worked to raise her kids, they are people who shared their gifts with us.
Of course, this topic was on my mind because my wife, Mary Ann Hobson, was among those who passed away this year.
She was a person of many accomplishments - an artist most of all, a teacher and linguist who served in the Peace Corps in Africa, taught immigrant children in Australia, sang and acted, and brought a great sense of personal discipline and concentration to everything she tried to do.
After her death, I felt a great sadness that many people never knew her - and a fear that what she was might quickly slip away.
The morning after she died, as the funeral director began going over the details with me, he casually mentioned that it would be necessary to notify Social Security so her number could be removed from the rolls.
That was among the first of many little negations of life - closing accounts, putting away clothing, gathering up papers, settling affairs - a shriveling-up of being, like some reverse time-lapse film of a flower blossoming.
You try to fight it. You look for signs or notes or items to hold onto, things that will somehow keep the person you have lost from fading away - something from them that tells you they're still here, even though you know that's not the case.
I am certain that many other families experienced the same sadness, the same fear after the deaths of their loved ones.
But I am also certain that like me, they have come to realize that so much of those lives does not go away and cannot be negated, whatever we do or don't do to remember them. It is as though each of us contributes to a sort of "Butterfly Effect," by our actions subtly altering the world in ways we may never know or understand, but are real and indelible.
In Mary Ann's case, I like to think that there are now-grown former students of hers around the world, from Africa to California to Australia, who now and then remember "Miss Hobson" and the high standards she insisted upon.
Or that a student or researcher going through the stacks at Cal State San Bernardino may gain a flash of insight from something she wrote in her thesis on Emily Dickinson's poetry.
Or that one of her richly thoughtful canvases will stir the soul and the imagination of another artist - or a musician or writer or scientist or child, for that matter.
And then there is our son, whom she will not see graduate from high school but who will carry much of her spirit and outlook into what he does with his own life.
Like these other Lives Remembered in 2006, she wasn't famous, but like them, she changed the world.
A few days after Mary Ann died, a co-worker sent me a note with an attached clipping from a column by George Will, quoting Thornton Wilder:
"All that we can know about those we have loved and lost is that they would wish us to remember them with a more intensified realization of their reality. What is essential does not die but clarifies."
All of us who have lost loved ones this year can take comfort in that truth. The image in the photograph may fade. So may many of the memories.
But the essence of who they were - who they are - is distilled, growing stronger, more intense.
Clarified.
Links to Related Topics (Tags):
Headlines: December, 2006; Peace Corps Niger; Directory of Niger RPCVs; Messages and Announcements for Niger RPCVs; Obituaries
When this story was posted in January 2007, this was on the front page of PCOL:
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Story Source: The Cincinnati Enquirer
This story has been posted in the following forums: : Headlines; COS - Niger; Obituaries
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