The thing that gets to me the most is when people seek out my help and then refuse my suggestions to my face without even trying or considering it. Why did you ask me for help in the first place? The most prime example of this phenomenon is the proverbial "How to improve my English?" I tell them again and again, you must practice oral speaking. You can't talk about hobbies and weather forever. You must read a lot. You must seek out impromptu opportunities to practice; you must get to know the culture so you can better understand literature and movies. This is then followed by the "So what do you think about memorizing and reading from the textbook? I do that." I then go over the ineffectiveness of this approach. And what do I get for my "expert advice" that they solicited? A polite "thank you" and their assured affirmation that memorizing the textbook indeed is the superior way and the way they will continue to study. So why did you even ask? In truth, they probably gained more valuable English experience with those moments of candid conversation than an entire weekend alone with their textbook. This of course is just one example.
Peace Corps Volunteer M-uh-Lee writes: Teaching Enlgish in China
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Ponderings of a wandering PCV
I guess today is a bad day.
[Excerpt]
A lot of people join Peace Corps because they want to make a difference in the world. Admittedly, I had less humanitarian ideals when I signed on. I was more interested in travel, getting ESL experience and making my resume look good. Not to say I didn't have some bleeding-heart ideals, but they weren't at the top of my list. But actually I'm glad that I wasn't more idealistic because it would just be a longer way to fall until I hit reality.
It seems that the volunteers in other countries make more of a difference. They can talk more freely about things, they are more quickly trusted by the natives, and they aren't so limited in their activities. I'm sure though that even in more PC friendly countries, there are still problems.
When we arrived, it seemed that all of us had the idea that we would fill minds with new knowledge and the natives would just absorb everything we had to say like a sponge, and we would do the same and a long-lasting and meaningful cultural exchange would be created. Instead, the only "meaningful cultural exchange" that seems to get absorbed like a sponge are curse words. That goes for the natives and the Americans.
I've been thinking long and hard about how to reach my students and community with important issues. I am aware that a lot of subject matter must be dealt with in a culturally sensitive way in order for it to get understood and accepted, but the more I try, the more I run into roadblocks. Officially China has accepted us as "foreign experts" but I'm not sure why they need us because according to the locals, they have all the knowledge they need and are just fine the way they are, thank you very much. The only subjects I really need to be an expert at are praising everything Chinese, talking about my hobbies and the inevitable singing and dancing that all us yellow-haired monkeys do.
Want to talk about AIDS? China doesn't have an AIDS problem. There are no gay people in China. (I've seriously been told that) Want to talk about gender roles? Mao said women hold up half the sky. Enough said. No problems, Mao has everything under control. I felt that the general consensus when I gave my lectures was, "why are you talking about this? Don't you know everyone here is happy every day? Why don't you just talk about a holiday or something?" Obviously my offering help isn't needed.
The thing that gets to me the most is when people seek out my help and then refuse my suggestions to my face without even trying or considering it. Why did you ask me for help in the first place? The most prime example of this phenomenon is the proverbial "How to improve my English?" I tell them again and again, you must practice oral speaking. You can't talk about hobbies and weather forever. You must read a lot. You must seek out impromptu opportunities to practice; you must get to know the culture so you can better understand literature and movies. This is then followed by the "So what do you think about memorizing and reading from the textbook? I do that." I then go over the ineffectiveness of this approach. And what do I get for my "expert advice" that they solicited? A polite "thank you" and their assured affirmation that memorizing the textbook indeed is the superior way and the way they will continue to study. So why did you even ask? In truth, they probably gained more valuable English experience with those moments of candid conversation than an entire weekend alone with their textbook. This of course is just one example.
Even the few people with whom I am able to have deeper conversation are making me grow weary. We have a lot of cultural differences. I feel that I have honestly tried to approach all of them with an open mind and really try to understand where they are coming from. However I feel with most people when I express a belief or opinion or even a fact that is different than what they "know" about English, America or anything I just simply get dismissed. It's really hard to be friends with someone when they don't actually want to know YOU and accept YOU or value your opinions and beliefs; they just treat you as a walking cultural dictionary - but only one to affirm what they already "know."
I guess I don't understand why I'm here. If they don't want my help, then what is my purpose here? What have I learned in China? According to everyone here, everything is better in China and anything that is not absolutely wonderful can't be fixed by a foreigner, or even admitted to a foreigner that there is a problem (and so the Chinese leave it to themselves to fix their English, which is kind of humorous, in a way). It's a trust thing, left over from the days when the big-nosed people couldn't be trusted, I guess.
At this time in my life, I am reminded of the words of Jesus:
"If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town" - Matthew 10:14
While I am no evangelist, this verse does hold some similarities with my attitude. If nobody is welcoming my words or teaching, then I'm ready to shake the dust off my feet and bail. I don't want to waste my time and hard work making meaningful lessons if they are going to fall on deaf ears. I don't want to make "friends" that don't really want to be my friend. If I can't do my job, why the heck am I here?
I personally know that God has given me a reason and a purpose to be anyplace that I am. I'm just really struggling to find my reason here. My faith is wavering and my morale is waning . . .
For those of you that are they praying kind . . . please pray for me. I think I need it.
